Tuesday’s Gone

It’s Tuesday and I notice that I need a haircut.

So much has happened over the past few months that it’s hard to comprehend so much drama in such a short period of time.

Today, I’m driving down to Oceanside to attend mass for my sister, Becky, who passed away two weeks ago today.  I’m trying to think of something poignant to say about my sister, who I knew well but not well enough.

I loved her, that goes without saying.  She was loving, protective and a hero.  And I never got a chance to tell her thanks for being those things to me.



I’m Not Bashing on Feminism

We all need someone.

Sure, we can get along fine without anyone else in our life.  But we are a social creature.  We DO need someone to be there.  Someone to listen to how your day went.  Someone to comfort you when you’re down.  Someone to tell you how nice you look. Someone to hold you up when you want to fall down.

Being independent is fine.  Being self sustaining, perfectly ok.  Empowerment is great.  But somewhere down the line, someone began selling feminism as the end-all-be-all to women’s rights.  More and more I’m hearing women say they don’t need men, that a woman can do anything a man can do.

Well, that’s mostly true.  But who wants to?

I’m born from an era where men were taught to open the door for a lady or allow a lady to walk in front of them when they enter a room.  Or pick up something that a lady has dropped.  It’s respectful and frankly, these are just good manners.  Hell, I’d do that for another man or an elderly person too.  You know?  It’s called being a gentleman.  And yet, I’ve run across women today who actually complain when a man treats them this way.  It boggles my mind.  Please understand ladies, it’s not a sign that you’re incapable of doing it yourselves.  We know you can.  You don’t have to insist on asserting this fact.  It’s just good manners, which apparently someone decided was subjugating to females.

And to carry it further, ladies, don’t tell a guy you only need him around to change lightbulbs, kill spiders or he’s just there for the occasional roll in the hay.  Any smart person, regardless of gender, would bolt if they heard that.

Independence is fine.  Feminism is fine.  Empowerment is fine.  I’m not bashing on any of it.  But imagine a world where one person can’t be polite to another person, just because of their gender.  It sounds like that’s the world some of you are trying to create.

What’re you staring at??

Help me understand something.

Despite my life’s experiences and being gutted by them, I still love women.  I don’t believe I’m misogynistic.  Or am I, and I just don’t know it??

Case in point..  A friend of mine recently returned from a trip, and when her flight landed, she said to me that she was disturbed by a guy in front of her (across the aisle of the plane).  She said that when she would nod off or close her eyes, every time she opened them, she would catch him staring at her.

It bothered her very much apparently, and since she was telling me this via texts, I didn’t realize just how upset she was.  I at first responded with “WTH?”.  It also bothers me that some guy would stare and make her uncomfortable.  The douche.  I only wish I was there to intervene.

But my second response was “What are you wearing”?  My mind trying to diagnose why someone would stare at her.  She’s very attractive and on the busty side, so my first thought was that he was checking out her cleavage while she slept.  If that wasn’t the draw, I was next going to ask if she was snoring or had spilled a drink on her or done something that would attract his persistent attention.

However, asking the question about whether she was peeking out somewhere resulted in a response that, I feel, was unwarranted.  “It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing, he shouldn’t  be staring!” (yes, I agree, but perhaps that was why he was).

Anyway, it was an unproductive conversation after that.

So ladies, help me to understand.

You’ve fought for equality, feminism, women’s rights, the right to be treated as a man is treated and all that.  Why then, are you shocked that a guy would stare at your goodies, especially if you’re wearing clothing that draws attention to them?  I’m not saying it’s right, but are you really shocked by it?

Do you have a right to wear anything you want?  Yes.  Well, providing it doesn’t violate the law, you absolutely can wear whatever you want.

Do you have the right to expect some random douchebag won’t stare?  I really don’t know the answer to that one.  Does he have a right to look at you?  Absolutely.  (And if he continues to stare, then he’s a douchebag and you should challenge him.)

My only argument is that you shouldn’t be surprised if that happens.  We all know there’s douchebags out there.  But like the surfer who gets bit by a shark because he’s dangling his leg in the water, why are you surprised?  Leave your car windows down, keys in the ignition when you go to the mall.  Would you be surprised to discover your car is gone when you return?  Or take your keys, but roll down the windows and leave your purse on the seat.  Would you be surprised if it were stolen?


and don’t hate me, because what you’re wearing may be the first question on my mind.  My generation was brought up with Actresses who flaunted their assets.  And when it comes to the ladies, well, even Ladies can’t avert their eyes.  Jane Mansfield and Sophia Loren, Dustin Hoffman, Ellen DeGeneres..   Hell, even Harry Potter can’t keep his eyes to himself!

So PLEASE help me to understand! In this day and age where feminism has all but defeated chivalry (have you tried holding a door open for a millennial female lately?) and women continue to fight for equal rights, equal pay and equal representation, why do they still flaunt their assets and then get pissed off and shocked when someone looks at them?

With that, I’ll leave you with some food for thought and a final word from Jerry Seinfeld that probably sums up what every man should know.